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 Post subject: Re: Well <insert choice expletive here>.
PostPosted: Thu Sep 03, 2015 8:44 pm 
Parrotlet
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tielfan wrote:
I've only had to have an animal put to sleep once (a budgie, 16 years ago) and in my experience the loss is hardest when you have to make the decision instead of having it just happen naturally. It's the right thing to do and the only decent choice you could have made, but it's so terribly hard to make that choice and carry through with it. It makes the loss more traumatic when you have to play an active role in bringing it about. It's going to take time to get over this, but you were brave enough to do what was best for him.


Yeah, it's weird because I am immensely grateful to have been able to do this for him with no muss or fuss. It was quick and painless for him. I am so thankful for that. But yeah, I definitely have guilt, major guilt. Like could he have lasted a little longer? Yeah, I guess but to what end? To get more and more uncomfortable as he got skinnier and skinnier and the tumor got larger and larger and more and more uncomfortable? Intellectually, I get this and I'm fine with my decision but emotionally I feel super guilty. Like I let him down somehow... which is total nonsense!

It must be a right brain battling the left brain type thing.


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 Post subject: Re: Well <insert choice expletive here>.
PostPosted: Thu Sep 03, 2015 10:20 pm 
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At some level I think we believe that life shouldn't be like this and we shouldn't have to do things like this. But we did it anyway because we weren't smart enough to pull off the fairy-tale ending. It's all irrational of course, and what we really did was help a friend avoid unnecessary and incurable suffering. But it feels like we betrayed a friend.



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 Post subject: Re: Well <insert choice expletive here>.
PostPosted: Fri Sep 04, 2015 6:28 am 
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I'm sorry. It's so hard to lose a beloved.



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 Post subject: Re: Well <insert choice expletive here>.
PostPosted: Fri Sep 04, 2015 11:37 am 
Conure
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It's completely understandable why you have guilt but you need to tell yourself that it was for the best. Believe it or not, you helped your dog by doing that. It's normal to feel guilty but sometimes extremely guilt can leave you with a lot of stress which you really don't need. You didn't do anything wrong. It was the right thing to do even if it doesn't seem like it at times. The feelings of guilt can help us realized we did something wrong and that we need to fix it. You didn't do anything wrong so you need to try and tell yourself that the guilt isn't serving you any purpose and try to just let it go.

BTW, I'm not trying to sound mean or rude at all. I have felt really guilty at times and it feels like torture. It was hard for me to do anything with the guilt haunting me and I'm just trying to help you get through it so you don't have to go through the extra stress.

It's also normal to feel depressed after losing a pet and guilt does often come with the depression package so it is not uncommon to feel guilty.

:)


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 Post subject: Re: Well <insert choice expletive here>.
PostPosted: Fri Sep 04, 2015 7:14 pm 
Parrotlet
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Carolyn, your post is so wise! Yes, I do think that there is an irrational part in my brain that's angry that I wasn't able to pull off the fairy tale ending. That is the perfect way to put it. Completely ridiculously irrational but it's coming from the emotion part of my brain so it doesn't give a turd about what's rational and what's not.

Another person told me a good way to look at it is that it's so much better to have done this a week too early rather than a week too late. I agree, 100% and it's helpful to have this stated so plainly. With what Syrus had going on, a "week too late" was definitely a possibility since the location of his tumor meant he would just start eating less and less. That's an awful way to go.

Again, I appreciate all the posts to this thread and the support.


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 Post subject: Re: Well <insert choice expletive here>.
PostPosted: Fri Sep 04, 2015 7:58 pm 
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I'd never thought of it that way before, about a week too early being better than a week too late. It's true, but I also don't think you were a week too early. We can usually tell when the tipping point has arrived, when things are about to go from reasonably tolerable to truly awful, and that's when we have to take action even though we hate to do it.



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