She needed me, she relied on me, while I was basically walking around the lake watching my child drowning in the middle of the lake, yelling my child's name thinking that she would somehow make it to the shore, while I needed to dive in.

Thank you Jan. It will take time for me to move on and heal.

The last picture of Cuddles that I took. She loved to sneak into my daughter's room when she was preparing for bed
I miss her so much.

She's a sweet, beautiful bird, and I hope that she's safe and happy somewhere.

Thank you.
I prefer not to deceive myself about her fate
The most troublesome thought to me now is that she probably even didn't fly far. I think when its cold, birds who are not used to lower temperatures, wouldn't fly very well. She probably didn't make it far from my house and I still failed to save her.